The excuse interpreter

As parents, guardians, carers, and family members, we want the best for our young people. We want them to understand right and wrong, to respect others and themselves.

All adults, including teachers, coaches, employers, and role models, can have a positive influence on young people and set the standard for what is and isn’t acceptable, right from the start.

Together we can:

Sometimes our language can carry hidden meanings. The things we say in front of young people can be interpreted in ways we don’t intend, giving the message that certain harmful behaviours or attitudes are OK.

The below excuses and interpretations are just examples to help us become more aware of the type of reactions or excuses used in these situations. How these phrases look and are perceived might be different based on your family, community, culture and young person’s own circumstances and identity such as gender, sexuality, age, ability and maturity. If we can reflect and become more aware of this, it will help us avoid using seemingly harmless phrases that might send mixed messages to young people about respect and gender norms.

Gender stereotypes are labels that reinforce outdated ideas of how people should behave based on their gender and have the effect of restricting both girls’ and boys’ behaviour.

Gender stereotypes may also discourage boys from showing behaviours more traditionally associated with girls, because to some, these are seen as inferior. Traditional social norms are that boys should take control and supress their emotions, and girls should be passive and accommodating.

While it may not be our intention, these types of comments often have a negative effect on the confidence and self-esteem of young people. They can also reinforce a strict gender stereotype. If we continue to use words and phrases like these, outdated ideas about gender roles will continue.

* Beta: This term is used as an insult to describe a less dominant man. It promotes aggression, domineering behaviour, and reinforces harmful stereotypes about masculinity. 

** Simp: This term is used to describe a man who is ‘subservient’ to a woman in order to win her affection. It’s often used to criticise a man for being attentive, respectful, or supportive of women.

Social media and online platforms are a normal way to stay in touch with people, read news, watch videos, and play games.

Young people spend so much time online—especially during their teenage years, and the content they watch can influence and shape their views and behaviour.

As parents and carers, it can be difficult to censor or moderate the content young people may be exposed to online. However, it is our responsibility to better understand what they are seeing and hearing and the impact this may have on their perceptions of gender and violence.

Reflecting on our own attitudes, which might excuse disrespect, and being aware of the things we say to young people is the first step towards making a change.

By talking to young people about respect, we can have a positive influence on their attitudes and behaviours as they grow into adults. It’s important to be clear about what is acceptable, and model this ourselves.

There are information guides available from the Resource Hub to help you learn about the issue of violence against women and ways to talk about it with the young people in your life.

Support Services

This page offers a range of support services that can be contacted if you need support or think you might be at risk of experiencing violence.

The Line

The Line encourages healthy and respectful relationships by challenging and changing attitudes and behaviours that support violence. The Line is funded by the Australian Government Department of Social Services. It is delivered by Our Watch.

Student Wellbeing Hub

The Student Wellbeing Hub is a one-stop shop for information and resources on safe school strategies to assist teachers and school leaders, students, parents, specialist professionals supporting students and pre-service teachers.  

eSafety Commissioner

eSafety is Australia's independent regulator for online safety, educating Australians about online safety risks and helping to remove harmful content such as cyberbullying, cyber abuse, and intimate images or videos shared without consent. The eSafety website has many resources and tips for keeping children safe online and reporting online harm. 

Say It Out Loud

Say It Out Loud encourages members of LGBTQ+ communities to have healthy relationships, get help for unhealthy relationships and support their friends.